Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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