just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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