this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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