My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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