what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
