Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
