First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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