But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
