I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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