do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
