1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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