if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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