His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
