hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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