i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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