I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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