EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
