Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize