Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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