Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize