I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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