You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
