they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
