you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
