So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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