white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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