I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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