There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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