Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
