he wants to bone in the snuggie
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
