3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
