Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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