The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
