i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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