My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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