He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
