that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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