i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
