mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize