I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
