Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
