just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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