just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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