We're like a lot better than the average bears
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
