Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
