Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
