I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
