My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She said her name was "party"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We have started to decorate penises.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize