yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
