Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
