the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
