UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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