Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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