Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
