The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
