I'm drive I can fine osifer
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize