from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
