we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize