i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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