Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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