p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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