Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
