hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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