Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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